Monday, August 01, 2022

being AAPI in this time

The positive of this gripe: It's my hope that by making these insights to my life public-- someone else will be spared the waste of countless days and months on hurtful "friendships".  There is a template LOR I made below (bottom of post) for a companion guide  dog for someone in need.

My gripe:
I am a genXer hapa and I'm sure accusations will be directed at me after I make this post. But it's time for me to move on. That is very clear. As the daughter of a foreign national who became an AAPI immigrant- I've run out of patience sifting through the barrage of Americans. It's tough for me to find the positive good ones here on the mainland.

Last week my inbox received several different unexpected emails in one of my newer email addresses. Some were from people I had blocked long ago on Twitter with my previous email address. And in the midst of it,. a request for a letter of reference for someone who I have known since last September and speak with on a regular basis.

And, because of the nature in which I know this person -- I was compelled to ask them about the recommendation, since they didn't mention it to me before giving out my information. Not only did I write a quick draft of the general contents I would include. But I allowed them to be part of the writing process. And instead of a LOR it became a lesson to me about how discrimination permeates the friendship I thought existed.

In their sharing of other LOR with me, I realized the stigma this person has towards me. Where frivolous personal details of the person's past were "acceptable good memories", where I do not exist. And how our friendship is a dumping ground for the person to unload the worst issues that would be intolerable on anyone else. It was a quick read for me after 3 days of being told to omit personal details of the person for a personal character reference. Literally, several hours of my time and phone calls.

After a long weekend. Our friendship ended with the text from them stating not to send any character reference. Since I got a flurry of positive quotations about how to manage being respected in my social media feed- I realized that not one of the people in my inbox would or could write a LOR for me. And what a waste of time I had put into what I had thought had become a "friendship".

Again, my bad. And it is a solitary road for me of not being "good enough" for these people I've included in my remote only life for several years. There is no replacement for the people who actually accepted me in a healthy way, in Hawaii. And I look to the AAPI and Asian immigrant community with a lot of love for allowing me to experience being treated with positive inclusion. And I hope that community stays strong against the tides of racism in subtle and blatant forms. There is no replacement for the AAPI community of Hawaii in my life. And so far nothing has come close to being inclusive, respectful, and safe for me to co-exist.

Letter of Recommendation for a remote friend:

_________ is a great candidate to receive one of your well trained working dogs.  I have known _________, remotely, for the past ___ year(s). During her/his journey to take on a seeing eye dog, she/he expressed her/his deep attachment for her/his previous dog companion, a treasured life experience.  One that I believe will aid her/him with care of a new companion.

____________ an outgoing spirit, and is also a very private person. I believe she/he is learning to calibrate her/his sense of adventure with the reality of her/his situation. She/he also seems homesick for familiarity and is eager to travel with confidence again.

She/he is blessed with helpful, inclusive, and sometimes transient and supportive people in her/his daily activities. For hobbies she/he enjoys to pray, to do art, and to take nature walks. As a former __________, shehe keeps current on conversations that surround technologies of the evolving society we live in. 

____________ is a dedicated vegetarian with a compassionate concern for animals. She/he has great interest in the care of her/his future canine teammate.

I am happy that _________ has this opportunity with _______ to match her/him with her first canine teammate. I believe one of your magnificent dogs is a life changing event that will support her/his life and well being into the future.


Angela Kneale