Friday, July 01, 2022

Fourth of July

As an isolated Asian-American, it's really difficult to go through life being a scapegoat. By isolated, I mean being the first one, being the only one in school or an activity to be present. Kids, and their parents literally used me when I was the lone asian-kid (HAPA) at school as the example for how to conduct discrimination, persecution, cause harm, get away with intentional physical harm and bullying, until they grew up as a community united against my family and killed my only living sibling during my lifetime and attacked me.

There was noone there for me. My Japanese mom, had already witnessed the murder of my sister - before I was born. I grew up knowing what she did to try and protect my life coming into this world full of haters. Haters, is that the correct word for people who are itrarily murdered my sister?
White people, get defensive because they literally feel it's their entitlement. To police and murder out of patriotic pride. So I have never had a sense of safety in the Mainland USA- ever.

And my brother's so-called friends- are also my enemies. They and my parents felt they own us, owned him. We were born into a horrible American community in Bucks County, PA. Actually the entire area was horrific for us we'll into our adulthood.

And the awareness of how awful these people are has never subsided. I mean, it's not paranoia that they openly laughed about hurting my brother after his memorial service- all in an attempt to spark my rage.  So today I am looking at 4 generations of Americans who deliberately violated my human rights and civil rights as a collective American force. And that is their law, their America. 

They will never be friends, all of them are closer to Freddy Krueger than cringy most days of the week.
Yet they walk freely and complain about their civil rights being violated. These Ugly Americans are seen overseas as tourists searching for food and drinks. But I have had enough of them for nearly a half decade.

America is a downer. They killed my family.
They, yes, I use they. They said I became even less American when they wrote the Patriot Act. And they ripped my life and soul to shreds, deliberately. 

I was born to a foreign national mother. And I never wanted to remain in the USA as a child. I was treated well in Japan. I had friends there for a short time, it was safe for me, I was happy there as awkward as I was as a haafu-nisei. It was a short dream I got to live of the entirety of my life.

America is a slow death sentence. There is nothing fascinating about the childish and hurtful people that comprise it. Or the activists who focus on saving animals over human lives as a way to cope with the entire horrific situation. Most activists and volunteers acknowledge the dangers of working with people. Victims can cause personal losses, and so can their attackers.
It's never over. It's no wonder other nations jail both victims and assailants. 
Maybe the USA has changed and will start jailing and imprisoning victims to uphold the former criminals who now run most local government bodies.

Who knows.
But the America that had a glimmer of hope, is long gone for me.