Wednesday, May 04, 2022


It's like I got of the plane to ghostland.
My life and love all ended.
All of my plans forbidden.
Even to breath once again.

I saw the ghosts of my memories.
God gave me that much for one year.
I met everyone intended. 
After travelling so long.

My plans for myself demolished 
I took cover, for concerns of safety.
Cities closed and burning on fire.
I met one friend...

In a surreal scene.
We stood, at the gates to a city
That ran the world, shut down.
Holding hands.

On an empty city street.
Once so busy, 
feet blurred.
And even a dinner party was scarce

And I returned to my room
Sealed the door with plastic.
The cat trying to break through
Uncertain how real 

Death would become.
And one year passed.
I pretended to hibernate
Like a bear.

So Cold 🥶 it's not Hawaii here
And I took a job, any work I could 
Get by the fall.
My own fall, with a goal to meet

To get a pair of snow tires.
A simple goal I thought.
Make it and move on if things
Are threatening.

It took too many months
To make that simple goal
 it was accomplished 
As things quickly worsened

So I walked away.
Sparing my life.
But it was too late.
The sick coworker

And the spitting people
Got me sick for several months.
I had donated blood a week before their sickness.
And it was screened as fine.

And after I could wake again
After my feet hurt
And my body shut down
I donated blood by year's end

And it was screened 
With a bad result 
After 30years of donations
I received a letter 

I'm only permitted to donate to myself
A false positive or antibodies
Showed for Hepatitis B
The letter was for 2022

And 4 more months passed.
I cleaned the house
And slept
I managed to write one song

And some lyrics 
I hope to put to music
I busied myself with
My usual lip trills and karaoke bar
Warm ups I used for talking loudly over 

Though I'm quiet 🤫
The loud partying.
For a decade in the 808
Offset my prayer and meditation

Yesterday, I had time 
To touch the piano upstairs
And frustrated with so many
Masterpieces I have incomplete

My brain my fingers my body
My entire being...
Yet I am here.
No longer embody 

The most difficult virtuoso
Piano sonatas and accompaniments
Liszt, Piazzola, leviev, Beethoven, Kabalevsky
Or sing Phantom or Broadway 

My voice can hit pitches
Over 3octaves for warmup
Yet my singing mix is
Mixed up with shouting

At different pitches
Dry thin 
Obnoxious loud
No vibrato- yes I know some exercises

10years of loud yelling
My voice is not of a singer
I decided somehow 16k to 
Sing lessons would have been worth it

And my youth, as an artist
Pianist mostly
Is all gone.

And I wonder about love
After so many decades 
Of transient people
While I stayed in

The same place.
My room
Is quiet.
It is not a good life

And then I look to Twitter
And read how many people
Are dying, 
I cried yesterday

Celine cancelled concerts
And I hope that 
My favorite artists survive
Looking for hope

I feel I saw the end
That day, staring at the quiet
Big Apple
Like we were the last two people

On earth.