Tuesday, May 03, 2022


Every day has been "the easy day" in one boring sense of having nowhere to go and time for my brain and heart to understand 
decades of trauma.
Every day, something different seems to surface at the forefront of my concious mind. Another linked up and understood trauma I survived, the behaviors of those surrounding .e during those "unsafe" times.

For a decade, my mantras included the words "safety and security", repeated by the first life coach I hired after college graduation to exit a low paid yet highly visible faculty experience I took on. And like most naieve college grads, was unaware that the sheer racism and microagressions from "bosses" colleagues and clients would drive me away from my career post 9/11. So, they have an excuse for their behaviors. While my life is irrevocably destroyed.

Today was no different from other pandemic days-- I woke with tears streaming from my closed eyes. Sadness that I left the supportive and positive Hawaii community. I think about my time, wasted for the past 6 years especially-- delving into the why and exact legalities of USA criminality, torture, and abuse that is a rampant social construct. While my life is transparent, and worthless to these horrible MSM reporters while they glean the language of posing as a victim and use their funds to be the more capable leader. Yet they turn around and call victims losers to their faces, as a display of their narcissistic personality. Is there a way to circumvent the toxic energy?
That is after all what leadership is, it's about who has the money and resources to do things to help their following live. 

So, how can cyber attacked victims become leaders? I think about this question frequently. Where will more resources come from? This is quite different than targeted environmental and animal rights campaigns. Yet it is easier in many ways to be an environmentalist or fight for animal liberation. The public stature, is simply about being compassionate to animals and the environment. And to largely forget impressing other people in outlandish ways. For me, it's been a long day already. And my only solution is to tell people who are hurting to go out and volunteer to save or help animals and/or the environment.

Strange. My tears are about how much everyone is hurting. And we need some way to fix the planet. 

Transparency today... That's on my mind.