All I can do, is focus on what is good for me. The personal lessons that I learn. Today, I attended another online meeting time for healing. And realized what a waste of my time some of the people are since they o erstated their hatred of me as a mixed-nationality, Japanese -American. And with the rise in hate crimes, aside from my vehicle being tampered with in the driveway. I am unable to justify attending any distant gathering with these people with whom I now only share online meeting space.
I am unable to see them assisting me in. The event someone sabotages my vehicle while in a beautiful park setting. The cost of my energy quickly tallies into an escape to a place with people who do are friendlier.
Yet because I am still healing from decades of USA torture and persecution, I never have set down my own roots. My heart has become weary of being fetishized and despised by American men and women since I was a toddler.
And I wish for a "redo" in a better community for my life to be perfect to me.
Where I am successful and have genuine love in my life. Where my core values are respected and upheld and my trust in others deepens with more success.
That is still merely a fantasy life for me.
And today, I really am forced to reconsider my time and where I use my time. To have friends, real friends is something my life lacks.