Saturday, April 09, 2022

healing today

The irrevocable harm to my life, has been a focus of my healing for the past several years. It's born out of sheer hatred the USA has had for Japan and the Japanese. And these Americans who attack me and continue to loose any shred of trust that I one had on them-- have failed to be worthwhile.

All I can do, is focus on what is good for me. The personal lessons that I learn. Today, I attended another online meeting time for healing. And realized what a waste of my time some of the people are since they o erstated their hatred of me as a mixed-nationality, Japanese -American. And with the rise in hate crimes, aside from my vehicle being tampered with in the driveway. I am unable to justify attending any distant gathering with these people with whom I now only share online meeting space.

I am unable to see them assisting me in. The event someone sabotages my vehicle while in a beautiful park setting. The cost of my energy quickly tallies into an escape to a place with people who do are friendlier.
Yet because I am still healing from decades of USA torture and persecution, I never have set down my own roots. My heart has become weary of being fetishized and despised by American men and women since I was a toddler. 

And I wish for a "redo" in a better community for my life to be perfect to me.
Where I am successful and have genuine love in my life. Where my core values are respected and upheld and my trust in others deepens with more success.

That is still merely a fantasy life for me. 
And today, I really am forced to reconsider my time and where I use my time. To have friends, real friends is something my life lacks.