I gave it, the USA, more than 5 years of my life since the tragic TPP was turned up and trade changed. I'm now on year 11 and nothing has improved since 9-11 an aftermath of the persecution that ended my brother's life. That is 11 years of my life entirely destabilized by local officials, police, community members, and random others. And with tears running out of my eyes, I realize my closest friends and best support is from a lot of the 1st generation American and Green Card crowd. I can count the number of US friends I may still have on 1 hand. Though, even that has nearly vanished in the past 2 years.
So, this morning;- alot of emotions have unballed from the past 22 years or so since this blog began. Imagine not crying for the past 6 years. And hoping that things would turn around for the better. Not talking about the photos of happy times I was riding out before Trump and this pandemic happened. I'm talking about the international cry to call out the long China-USA operation.
Remember, I'm Japanese-American nisei. The US Intel community pulled the 'hardball' stops out on me and my family before I became an informed toddler. This is that type of writing that helps me think through my life, knowing I have had almost no privacy for the better part of the past 15 years or so. And I mean zero privacy. So little privacy it's enough to break me into nothingness. And I've been on that edge too many times.
I gave it my best try. I gave the USA my best try, And it rejected me in many ways, most of those ways being financial. People want high-end favors of putting a word in with my family in Japan for their businesses while I literally have lived on the brink of annihilation. Seriously, people, I'm not 'big sister' that way though I may have had to take fill the empty 'expendable' family member shoes attached to some International agreement. But no one here in the USA, no person, no employer, no one has made it possible for me to even live a modest life for more than 2 years. And since I'm formally and/or informally blacklisted from employment -- largely due to the corruption of my father's attorney and the other local state actors trying to extort 'legit' foreign money from Japan through me-- I'm done here in the USA. 100%. My soul, is wiped. I stayed knowing I wouldn't have financial support for 11 years. And I have $-600 remaining due to AT&T assisting perpetrators to target me in person and strand me. But my soul, It's wiped clean of trust and faith in everyone around me.
You don't know my story, my business coaching as a kid for this gnarly trade bs. The long story short is that the USA essentially killed all of us, my Japanese mom's kids in the name of tit-for-tat international business fodder. If I disrespect the USA, it's because of the horrendous treatment I've been forced to sift through in some focked hope of the CIA scripting its next movie to share with Chinese moguls to laugh at the stupidity of my mother coming to America and trying to have a family. No, with one of the world's elite boarding schools nearby- I can attest that these CIA & Small cap scum got whoever they could to hit us repeatedly. Damaged cars, etc. And my affidavit summary, barely scrapes the surface of how much these shitty Americans and their IRA and UK and KKK followers navigated with impunity. But---BUH_T -- BIDEN is pro China to the tune of being another massive hellacious ordeal for me at the cyber and street level. These people have opped every single work situation I have had so I cannot have any financial stability. And then, I also have to attempt to protect myself physically from men and women who don't back off me ever.
Hawaii, is full of shitheads outside of a couple places. So that didn't help me overcome the outright torture and hate crimes from the well-to-do Doylestown area Bucks County community teaching their youth how to destroy us. That is essentially what they did in 2004-2005. They are a community of racists. And being female- the housewives who need diva time- are an absolute nightmare. I kept thinking about the time I took on a PeopleLink Teacher Guide role for Doylestown - (so that none of the kids would get dumped on me anyway because people in the area don't like Asian people that much). Long story short, my micro-business to teach ESL was claimed by one of the host family's mom's and printed as her project in the paper where she was connected. But the locals don't call that racism--or hate crimes-- blatantly destroying my finances and work/ aka small business. And they're still at it in 2001 - except using other Asian minorities to literally make grave mistakes about my USnationality-- no apologies. Truly meant as a snide power trip against me. And, remember these people kill- they kill as group community abuse while bringing in useful outsiders to assist them.
And I'm well beyond the point of tolerating the racist, condescending, and generally increasingly toxic attitudes that are directed at me for being me, Japanese-American. It's bi-partisan walls crushing down around me another year. And, given the seriousness of my having to walk into APEC USA without my brother, without a small family startup for us 1st generation Japanese-Americans;- aside from the traumatic events leading up to the farce of a trade summit... Only a few old college friends may have even gleaned the severity of what was going on around me each time I left for respite and recovery from attacks in Pennsylvania to upstate NY.
Some days the value of reflection on my life here on the mainland USA after 9/11 seems reckless. But it's not easy to leave behind the little that I do have, especially after relocating from Hawaii. The USA is a nightmare and has been a nightmare that I grew up in. And I know what being treated better, kinder, with genuine inclusion is. But no-one in the USA helped me get on my feet. While a private military contractor forced me to stay in Hawaii 'to train me' .... and I lost my NY office due to not returning to NY after my vacation. There's not much I can do. Things are awful here on a personal/ family level.
I'm tying up the loose ends of that story 'BOOK ' the CIA scumbags wanted from me after torturing me and whisking me off to Baie FInn. But-- yeah, noting is a coincidence. Nothing. Every mo'fokin person is CIA, State Actor, or a personal 'lackey or servant' friend to the upper echelons. So, torture complaint it is... these people want to kill me, not simply sue me, for writing my affidavits. They were racketeering 100%, and my life... needs to find a new nation. Though I researched asylum applications since I was, 'passed around' as they say in intelligence community terms.
And the men and women have UGLY personalities. Maybe that's why I loved and tolerated Hawaii, and miss the people. It may not be the European elite that is suffocating and definitely not my culture. But I had safety in Hawaii- enough, for 9 years. And the cultural acceptance of Japanese was there. But the Japanese politics was also there-- and not understanding of the USA stemming from Philly and NY and DC.
--- too personal out in public-- But there's no privacy anyway and tlike I said-- the men and women here think of me as an ungrateful scumbag. I can't get over the broken arm I got from being attacked after scanning a letter of evidence of US embezzlement. That's how much privac I have. That the Fusion center local planning commission or police watch every key strokw and are using RF to communicate.