Friday, September 10, 2021

Because of the bad ones in the group

Several years have passed since I joined a German-based, international, healing community. And, I've stuck with it somewhat shamefully because I can practice on my own, and worked through decades of trauma from USA persecution and racism. Yet, it is German-based, and within it lurk people who have an intense hatred of me for being of mixed-race hapa, Asian, and Japanese descent. Though I joined the community in a diverse place- Hawaii. So the initial community was much more diverse and accepting. And only 1 serious incident of an older German (immigrant?) woman who attacked me in front of everyone because to her, I am a brown thing that she could not believe speaks English. Today, in 2021;- her outright behavior would be akin to a hate crime.  Yes, in a healing group. 
Today, I'm reflecting on that incident as 1 of 3 strikes in my personal safety manual. 

The 2nd strikeout in 2020, was surprisingly from an elderly Phillipino woman who, I was told to contact on the East Coast. When I contacted her and told her I came from Hawaii and am Japanese-American, she responded quickly with an outright statement of hatred from Japanese people. I smugly listened to her rant about her hatred of my background, blaming me and others of my kind for war issues long ago. This is what the Healing group of Bruno Groening Circle of Friends has in store for me.

Yesterday, was the 3rd strikeout as I clicked into the East Coast IGR. A place online where my full name and town location is posted in front of everyone. It makes me an easier target for racists in person. So, even though I thought things were positive- the community leader obviously stated that I was not being positive when I began to tell of my healing from SRA. A lengthy process that started before I left Hawaii and asked to heal from it. The Community leader immediately interjected that I was not being positive. I had only wanted to report that I was through my 3+year regelungen since I made the request, and had had a successful meeting about writing a co-authored book with another person.  
It seems consistent with some of the Circle of Friends that they wish harm on me, thus my healing is a negative thing. It's not the first time since I've had to try and work with the Success Report Writer main editor whose personal politics do not agree with me, and whose voice is very rude in how she talks about immigrants because she helps them. Among other things, I am the daughter of at least one Japanese foreigner who naturalized to the USA and my US State Actor father. 

Their tone is rude. And instead of the group implementing some type of diversity training for the USA leaders;- I am told to do "Einstillen" for the issue. I am writing this article and posting privately, in the event that a Neo-Nazi or another Anti-Japanese person hands out my personal information or takes it upon themselves to harm me further. 

And, in the hindsight of this group potentially being a Bundestag run front;- I am still uncertain. The trauma-based mind control may be as simple as the image of a Nazi-run Germany. And my unworthiness in being able to secure much in life without God. Though I've managed to write my way through real hate crimes I've survived, I feel that the scrutiny and judgment of some of the leaders are harmful to me. So, again, it's my time that is wasted and my being used as the persecutory example in front of the group. I'm in my mid 40's. This is unacceptable. Yet I post here since I will be told to do Einstillen for it. And I have done Einstillen for the group to be cleansed of its outright hatreds. 

That wasn't what I signed up for. And, like other groups;- it only takes one bad person to do harm to me to end my life. I am grateful for my life and those who helped me survive many many attempts on my life, and to God. Though I don't see safety in this group for me. I cannot martyr myself so that I have peaceable healing since I am criticized for belonging to this and any religious institution that Americans disapprove of. Including Americanized forms of Buddhism.