Saturday, June 16, 2018

Gaslighting & MK Healing

I think the most difficult thing in trying to heal from Occultic Abuse & MK protocols is keeping my finances in reasonable status. I grew up in the countryside of Bucks County only about 1mile from the Rosacrucians Ceremonial Grounds & at the home of my late Great- Grandmother. The troughs & wells of traumatic memories do bring me into a downward spiral. I don't want to interact with others, I feel very underprivileged in life when I revisit the trauma. And then, my reputation at this point in my 40+yes of life has virtually been destroyed by the last handler & attempts on my life here in Hawaii.
Normal people just don't know how much sheer abuse it is to go through. Plus, there are an excessive amount of perps on the island. So the gaslighting that is predominant by the handler's & perps is magnified. My parent's actually seemed to get an energy rush for as long as I can remember from gaslighting me. Before I learned the term gaslighting, I used to tell people my parents lie to me about my own life. My mother used to tell me "they" told her what to say. Gaslighting that I was bad as a toddler deserving 50+ lashes from my father's 3" thick leather belt seemed to make him happy. Gaslighting that I didn't graduate from College, when my diploma was present & I was permitted to walk twice since I did an extra environmental organizing program at a different University & would have missed the friends I made in my planned graduating class.
My father didn't like me online & used gaslighting on me as I sat in the office at the house working on an accelerated Masters degree after I worked for IT entrepreneur Fred Gross at his home office on his 3rd IT startup and who created PeopleSoft.
My parents have been detrimental to my progress in life. They have stated they want me to lie for them like a reasonable person if I am to have anything. Their gaslighting and abuse has also resulted in my parents stealing an over $40k piano library I had expected to keep throughout my life, among many other things I worked and paid for. And, their insanity they impress on me has financially been detrimental.
I don't need to say my to MK  survivors who understand the sheer greed many parents have from putting their kids through MK protocols. It seems to be a common thread that parents somehow made financial gains by abusing their children for the program and we survivors and children of these lunatics are left without much to cope with in life.
In some sense our parents are victims of the program, however;- in attempting to recover from MK programs, it is a very Rocky road financially. To see who people are, to identify their addiction to less attractive & violent tendencies. The abuses I mentioned are just a couple of the daily ritual abuse I anticipated each day. No, hitting a toddler daughter with a belt till she blacks out is not a hand. Yet the abuse was relentless.
They don't love me, they never have loved me. And I hate to say this but there is no such thing as "tough love". There is no payment, there is no financial glory for the victim of MK. There is only trying to put an end to these programs. It included especially my 1st piano teacher in Quakertown who told my mother about veganism & keeping my brain functioning cleanly and to abuse me like Beethoven to be more successful with my life.  I do mean this program ran the course of my life in public and including the schools & churches. The teachers beat me in elementary school with paddles that were 3-5'long with holes for bad handwriting and threatened to beat my hands with rulers till they were red. They called me derogatory names in front of the class, they told me I'd go to hell at church and attempted to murder me at church, in earshot of my brother who they physically tortured. All the other children saw this as acceptable and participated in the group abuse. Noone ever stood up for me in my life. Noone.

The neighbors I had were an Irish national & English national couple, Rosacrucians family relatives, crazed right wing godparents who shot my cat. I mean really rotten people since I'm Japanese. They really lividly hate Japan and mocked my mother in my presence. Nothing was sacred. Nothing.
My mom's Atlantic City friends insisted on touching me and I refused, she told me I'd get extra beatings if I didn't comply. So, the daily abuse was not chemically induced. I remember much of it clearly.
My parents & their community have never treated me like a thinking, intelligent, human being. They simply pummeled me with gaslighting perceptions my entire life. Never arranged graduation parties or birthday parties and tried to force friendships on me with kids of parents they we're friends with-- probably from the program since I never saw these people together elsewhere, or at church, etc.

People don't have sympathy for people like me. Especially since my mom's family is abroad. I was brought up to be bait and attract the scourge of the Earth since I don't have a family or relationships with others that are friendships.

All of my friends in college backed away when they learned my partner of 9yrs who graciously stuck with me after I was drugged and gang raped by coworkers at a potluck;- that I had basically been adopted by the real NY Underground who owned cops in NYC and were connected to the Clinton Boys of major funding supporters. I was never permitted to keep my money I made from jobs/work to pay my bills. He controlled everything and I was to give him cash after cashing checks immediately. Any money I made with him on jobs with his company in Landscape architecture was controlled by him & his mother. When I finally had the guts to leave him, I was penniless.
I thought I had escaped though. I was wrong. I don't have much to look forward too, and my parents have no remorse for harming me. They revert to new forms of gaslighting & abuse when I'm around that have more recent years involved a gun. So, they are not reasonable people with me.
I know this diminished my financial health so badly, I'm not sure how to continue to live these days.
Hawaii is full of new Asian program refuse that enjoys being posited in handlers' positions. They see the money & benefits of being sex workers in part as unimpeded success. So the perpetrators, Gangstalking programs, pimps, DeepState law enforcement participation, judges, use of illegal Psychotronic weapons and more have been relentless here in Honolulu County.
I'd like to conclude this with some reasonable way to financially hold together while trying to heal. It's been 2years for me and I have little to show for the healing I've done, except that I am alive.
I don't have a partner out here in Hawaii. Noone is trustworthy in that sense since they plug the sex trade out here, plus they gaslight or bring perps into my space who gaslight. Difficult to heal with continued intruders.  Even the healing group was perped by the CIA and one foreign woman moved into a CIA owned home.

So, being outdoors has been the only way to get some peace (discounting the remote Entrainment I was trained to be aware of). HAWAII'S been awful, so instead of working at some hostess bar or strip club that won't allow me to heal;-
I've been at the bottom picking up randomly dropped gift cards to get a meal. Literally, I pray alot. And there isn't much to look forward too.

What has changed is that I can keep the MK trauma monkey mind under control a little better & let those thoughts float by with mindful acknowledgement. It does entail I take time away from the bad environments where money is a fast solution. I got here due to Entrapment. So, I have poverty or abuse to choose from.
The men that come my way normally aren't "rescuer" types. They aren't the type to include me in a social group to get connected with others & make friendships either. So, it has been a really lonely 8 years.